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Ivana Esther Martínez's avatar

What a thoughtfully outlined and delightfully dykey read. Thank you! Desire is such a powerful catalyst for self creation.

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Julia Golda Harris's avatar

Thank you Ivana :))

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Armand Beede's avatar

Julia Golda Harris and Ivana Esther Martinez: First, CONGRATULATIONS on a beautiful life in love with women.

Why does that love characterize a lesbian (dyke, butch, femme) as having "masculine qualities."

I am a man who has loved Nancy for 54-years, married 52, and will wear pink and be comfortable in it! My marital love is beautiful and passionate.

I am not conscious of femininity or masculinity in me. If anything, I am always immensely more comfortable in the presence of women.

There is something in the way of one's way of carrying herself, her way of self-expression that makes me way more comfortable in the presence of women.

I am obviously heterosexual.

Am I masculine, therefore?

Because I am more comfortable in the intellectual and emotional presence of women, am I feminine or effeminate, much less emasculated?

I think a woman who loves women is in the range of womanhood, of femininity, and she does not have to identify herself with "masculinity."

Unless she wants to.

That should be HER choice, and not imposed on her.

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Lilith Dillon-Parkin's avatar

Thank you for writing this. I don't usually comment on Substack that much, but wanted to say I felt seen by this piece and it articulated some things I've found difficult to articulate myself when talking with my bisexual friends and allies. 💓 We are all on our own journeys and it is fine to make choices about how we choose to identify, as we are not privy to each other's specific experiences that shape those decisions.

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Julia Golda Harris's avatar

Thank you! Want to be clear (not to you specifically but in general!) that this piece was not intended to pit lesbian and bi experiences against one another! I’m writing from a lesbian standpoint personally but I think that a lot of what’s here is about minority sexual identities in general which includes bisexual people. Just saying this explicitly because I know this stuff can be sensitive.

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Lilith Dillon-Parkin's avatar

Totally get that. I self-describe as a lesbian of bisexual experience, so a lot of your writing really hit home for me and my own becoming in lesbianism, while also honouring my past bisexual self. But could just as easily resonate with someone going in the opposite direction for whatever reason. I love and respect bisexual people (and my own prior bisexuality) while also holding space for those of us who chose monosexuality for one reason or another. ♥️ we are stronger together, always

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Julia Golda Harris's avatar

Literally same :) (was feeling anxious while writing my previous comment which is probably clear haha)

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Formal Craft's avatar

I was lucky to meet hot, intellectual, feminist bisexual women at my rural state college. They were aspirational. I admired (and desired) them as activists, women, and artists. There was a direct path between me and them; I had no reason to change myself to fit into a desirable in-group. (Granted, our "group" was three people, and I was one of them.)

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Julia Golda Harris's avatar

Glad u found your people

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Sarah Thankam Mathews's avatar

gorgeous

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Julia Golda Harris's avatar

thanks, sarah <3 means a lot coming from u!

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An imperfect lifeline's avatar

Thank you for writing this. I can relate to much in the article (and some comments).

I’ve lived the first half of my life one way (heterosexually) and have realised that’s not my truth anymore.

I wish we had more information and stories (such as this article) to help us frame, navigate or just better understand our desires. Sometimes we’ve internalised so much external expectations that it can get really confusing otherwise.

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Julia Golda Harris's avatar

beautifully put! sending you good energy for your next era <3

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