An Unshoppable No-Links Lesbian Gift Guide

Ok, there's two links

Greetings angels (and demons)! Hanukkah is officially over, so this is maybe a strange time for me to be writing a “gift guide,” but whatever. This is also *not like the other gift guides* in that there are no god damn links! This is a handful of ideas for things to make and/or procure inexpensively for your loved ones for Christmas or New Year’s or Valentine’s Day or Belated Hanukkah or Birthday or Just Because. Anyway, I like reading other people’s gift guides and I like giving, receiving, and thinking about gifts, so I thought I’d throw my hat in the gift guide ring.

Before I get to trinkets, just wanted to give a shout out to everyone who participated in a JVP action this week disrupting traffic and business as usual in nine cities across the U.S. to call for a ceasefire and an end to the genocide of Palestinians in Gaza. And shout out to everyone who’s been participating in all the other actions and organizing and sustained work of fighting for a free Palestine as well. I hope you are finding the strength, power, and love in this work to keep going, even if you are tired. I may not know you, but I love you and we are in this together!

Alright, here it is, here’s my janky weirdly-timed gift guide!

1. Personalized zine. Personalized zines are some of my most treasured gifts that I have ever received! For my birthday this year, my roommate Lola made me a one-off mini zine about things she loves about me and it absolutely brought a tear to my eye. And probably THE most epic (and gayest) gift I have ever received was a zine that Clover made for me modeled off of Maddy Court’s genius “Choose Your Own Dykeventure” zine series. Maddy no longer sells these but let me tell you, they are are incredible, and if you know me IRL you should peruse my copies the next time you’re over. Clover painstakingly wrote a choose-your-own-adventure story about us in ten years that includes so much fantastical dyke drama of all kinds. It is truly the greatest ever. I also still have a hand-painted zine that a friend made me for my 22nd birthday way back in the day. Here is a guide that shows how to make a couple of different zine folds as well as how to format a zine on your computer even though I personally would never do that. Anyway, make your friend a zine about your love for them and they will quite possibly treasure it forever.

   

   Sedona Hacksaw is Clover’s pen name FYI

2. Tchotchke made of Sculpey Clay. Don’t overthink it. So this year I got a Christmas Pagan Solstice tree for the first time ever and I am obsessed with it. We were not a tree-having Jewish family growing up, and I simply always thought that Christmas trees were out of my lane. Then this November, as the sidewalk tree peddlers began to pop up around South Philly, I though wait a minute…I want one. Then Lola mentioned how much her mom, who will be visiting Philly for Christmas, loves the holidays, and I was able to mentally justify getting a tree as being “for Lola’s mom.” Well guess what, it’s not for Lola’s mom, who I’ve never met before. It’s for me! Plants and arranging little doodads are two of my favorite things! I will not deny myself this any longer! Plus haggling with the tree guys on Oregon Ave was really fun and made me feel like I am *participating in my neighborhood* lol. Our house feels so fun and festive with the tree in it and I spend time admiring and sniffing it every day.

   

   ISN’T SHE LOOVELYYY

   So anyway I bought a bunch of Sculpey clay at Michael’s and am having everyone who comes over to the house make little doodads out of it to hang as ornaments on the tree. They are all so cute and I am in awe of my friends’ creativity and looking forward to cherishing their creations for years to come! To make a Sculpey ornament, just twist a little loop out of wire and stick it into your creation before baking. Then you can tie a loop of string through the wire loop or hang it on a wire hook. A little tiny clay guy or sculpture of some sort is great gift for your tchotchke-hoarding friends, and if you make it into an ornament it’s a great gift for your tree-having friends. Make a sculpture of their pet or something else they love, or some creation that is totally original to your twisted little mind, whatever! They will like it.

   

   Random assortment of Sculpey ornament! CUTE

3. Personalized Mug. Clover once got me a specially-printed mug that says “Mommy When It Counts,” which is something that a girl I used to hook up with said about me once in regard to my level of toppiness. I think she meant it as a compliment, but you be the judge! Anyway, getting a mug printed for your loved one with some random thing they said that you’d like to razz them for and/or a charming thing a onetime lover said about them is a great idea. Order it on one of a million websites that custom prints mugs, IDFK, they’re probably all the same.

   

   Perfect mug

4. Orchid from the grocery store. Self explanatory, an orchid is the most glam plant you can get at the grocery story. They live a long time if properly cared for and will bloom at unpredictable intervals, reminding the giftee of your love.

5. Embroidered hat/bandana/thrift store item. If you like fiber crafts/embroidery, I feel like this is a really nice gift that is manageable to pull off! Get a plain baseball cap or a bandana or a plain tee shirt or sweatshirt, or some special-ish thing at the thrift store, and customize it with embroidery of their initials or a cute drawing. Be realistic with your embroidery ambitions! Just initials on a baseball cap would be so cute. If they love to cook, initials on a plain apron?? Come on!

6. Nice incense. Don’t buy this online!! Unless you already know one you really like, I guess, but even then. Go to a local hippie store or imports store and sniff a bunch of incense and buy the one that smells the best and maybe also get a little incense holder (or make one out of Sculpey?? Is this safe? Probably? Sound off in the comments if no). I guess only get this as a gift for someone who you know likes candles/incense/etc because I know not everyone does. But personally I would be very pleased to receive this — I favor citrusy scents, if you’re shopping for me! If you’re in Philly, I’ve gotten really nice Japanese incense at Omoi Zakka.

7. Cast iron pan. Okay, so this is not a gift for your thirty-something wifed-up grown lesbian friends or your bestie who lives in an established co-op with well-stocked dry goods. They already have cast iron pans. This is a gift for a younger loved one in your life who is entering adulthood and does not have a full kitchen set-up. Or perhaps your pal emerging from a brutal break-up whose ex took all the pans. So it’s not for everyone, but if you gift this to the right recipient, they will. Use. It. Forever. You can get vintage cast iron from antiques sellers, but honestly a Lodge pan will do the trick. Twelve inches. Get it at Target or wherever. You can also throw in a little chain-mail cast iron scrubber if you want. Maybe some hand-written cast iron care directions if you think they need it. A well-timed cast iron pan is simply an unbeatable gift.

8. Custom engraved jewelry from Etsy. It’s almost certainly too late to get this in time for Christmas, but there are many shops on Etsy that will custom engrave jewelry for less money than you think! I once got Clover a custom engraved bracelet that said “Lunch” to remind her to pack lunch (it quickly broke because she Lives Hard but she loved it). I will also break my no-links rule by saying I bought customized engraved signet rings with roses on them from this shop and was really pleased with the quality.

9. Gay historical ephemera. This is a broad category, for the archivist-minded gay in your life. A copy of an old gay or lesbian magazine (trawl eBay and gay bookstores), an Olivia Records vinyl (I would die if someone got me a copy of Lesbian Concentrate), some vintage gay porn, a well-worn used paperback of a lesbian classic like The Well of Loneliness or Zami or a Beebo Brinker, an insane 90s lesbian advice book (yes, this is a category of book, go to your local gay bookstore with a used section). This really is an expansive category and should be tailored to the particular interests of the recipient, of course. But, yeah, if you’ve got $70 burning a hole in your pocket and you want to be hilarious, nobody can stop you from buying this!!

A glimpse of the offerings of my house’s Lesbian Bookshelf

And that’s the Dyke Domesticity Official Gift Guide! Drop other gift ideas in the comments if you’ve got ‘em <3 And if you wind up giving a gift inspired by this list, please tell me because it will literally make me soo happy!!