Going Long on "I Kissed a Girl"
Masseria mayhem
Hello dear subscribers! This is a very long convo between me and Clover about “I Kissed a Girl,” a new lesbian British dating show. We LOVED this show and highly recommend watching, but I think this convo will be fun to read even if you haven’t seen it, especially if you’ve enjoyed long chatty posts by me and Clover in the past, like this one. We talk a bit about how this show stacks up to others in the lesbian/queer dating show canon, which I’m hoping to discuss more at some point because Clover is a true scholar of Bisexual “Are You The One.” When we first met, her Instagram bio (now defunct) was “Get me on Bisexual Are You the One,” and indeed she would have slayed in there. Anyway, also buried in this post is a fun new categorization system a la Mommy Baby Tyrant Serf that I think you will enjoy. This convo is not spoiler heavy, but if you want to watch the show and are spoiler sensitive, then maybe hold off. There’s one big spoiler at the end with a warning beforehand! If you’re not a paid sub, you’ll be able to read the first bit of this convo. Also, if you want to watch this show and can’t figure out how, feel free to email me for a linky ;)
Julia: Let’s get to it! “I Kissed a Girl” is lesbian British dating show that came out this summer and which I first heard about from my emotional support ex (what’s up, Hannah!). It’s a spin off of a gay men’s dating show called “I Kissed a Boy.” Some important things to know about it: it takes place at an Italian villa which everybody calls a “masseria” (this word is said roughly 100 times per episode). The format seems to be drawing on “Love Island,” which I have never watched but know vaguely about. It is hosted by Dannii Minogue, Kylie Minogue’s sister, who Clover described as being “naturally insane.” Dannii is always wearing a gown, the lesbians are obligated every time they see her to make comments about how she is a stunning angel descended from the heavens who they’re all dying to have sex with, she makes extreme theatrical gestures every time she speaks, and she takes all the dating choices made by the contestants very personally, as though their decision to kiss one another is a cosmic force from which she draws life. When they choose not to kiss one another, she acts like a melting witch.
What I like best about this show is that it truly seems like it was cast and edited by lesbians and queers! I have much more to say about that, but Clover, what are your initial comments? And do you have anything to add about Dannii?
Clover: Danii Minogue is gunning to be imitated by queens on “Drag Race” during the Snatch Game, so she never lets a moment go by without doing and saying something that comes at civil society at a hard slant, like how Emily Dickinson approached poetry. My read is she wants the fag hag iconicism of her sister but hasn’t quite achieved it so she’s overcompensating, which would also explain why this show invests so much time and energy into “Wet Dykes 4 Danii” propaganda – if she can’t get the gay boys from Kylie, she’ll at least grab the girls. The thing is, despite all her cartoonishness, I’m not sure if I could put together a solid impression of her. It’s sorta hard to find the underlying personality. But I do keep coming back to an image in my head of her sucking up lifeforce from the sight of two of her chosen lezzies smooching, like a witch draining the beauty of a maiden to stay eternally youthful, so maybe that’s her brand.
I am new to Danii though, since she’s basically a bonafide household name in a lot of the UK and Australia it seems. She’s had pop hits and been on TV consistently for years, so maybe there’s more of a back catalog and conversation around her dazzling behavior than I’m privy to. Could just be how she is.
This is a funny convo for me because I am coming into it in general pretty unprepared, which I’m usually very uncomfortable doing. Not only do I not really know anything about Danii Minogue, who now takes up 5% of my brain at any given time, but I barely knew anything about “I Kissed a Girl” when we started watching, and I’ve never watched “I Kissed a Boy!” I’m going completely contextless! I think I’m with you that the casting and editing (i.e. what plots get raised and focused on) feels like it was done with insider gay info. They got a lot of different kinds of girls who feel actually enmeshed to varying degrees in different sorts of gay subculture, in a way where, for instance, all the queers of Bisexual “Are You The One” felt more like LA Instagrammers Who I Guess Are Sorta Bi (And Also Some of Them Straight Up Aren’t). I think maybe to both of us the queer eye on the whole thing was best encapsulated by the introduction of Eva, who is billed as being the new hot pussy-slayer on the scene that every girl absolutely starts losing their shit over, and she literally is just a 6 foot LHB with a face like Larry Bird. Yes, IKAG, you are right! Dykes love that shit!!!
Julia: Okay, I’m dying over that description of Eva. Now that we’re on the topic, let’s talk about a few of our favorite (or least favorite) girls. The basic structure of the show is that the season started with five pre-matched couples matched by producers based on their stated “type.” Each couple had to wander down opposite ends of an Italian lane to meet each other, and when they met they had to kiss before they could say hi. Then, periodically *NeW gIrLs* get sent in to fuck up the dynamics, and then there are ceremonies where everyone has to get in pairs and kiss, and if the person you want to kiss doesn’t want to kiss you, you’re gone.
To us, the most iconic girl of the season (SO FAR! We’ve watched 6/10 episodes at this moment of writing!) is AMY. Amy, first of all, is extremely hot and is cool in a different way than anyone else on the show. She is tall and curvy and femme and has amazing tits and red hair. She is crackling with manic energy at all times, and is typically wearing knee-high boots with a bikini. She takes it upon herself to be the house clown, which means she is constantly breaking into impromptu performances for the other girls, usually involving doing a soviet type dance similar to this. She is kind of insecure and embarrassed about being posh, and sometimes makes disparaging remarks about it to other girls on the show, like “yeah, I’m posh, I know it’s terrible” and the other girls are like “noo…posh people aren’t all bad” lol. She is also upfront about being femme for femme, which seems like it’s unusual in her world and the world of everyone else on the show, and we see her attempt to date a couple soft butches by telling herself they’re kinda femme in a way. Then, when a hot femme who’s interested in her enters the house, it’s wild to see her light up like CRAZY. It seems like, despite literally everything about her, dating is hard for her because the scene there is still very butch-femme I guess? Amy, come to Philadelphia! Everyone here is femme for femme! We are both femme and we will welcome you into our relationship or at least have a threesome!
Clover, would you like to say more about Amy? I also want to make sure we discuss Fiorenza, Demi (justice for Demi), and Georgia…